Questioning Homosexuality

I watched Oprah today and she had on two sets of identical twins where one in each twin set decided she was really a "guy" and became transgendered. Since identical twins have the exact same DNA, Oprah brought up the issue of whether you are born that way or become that way because of some outside influences either in the womb or out. The one twin also declared herself to be a lesbian while the other one was straight. What also was interesting about the show was the fact that when the females took testosterone to start the process of becoming male, the one started to prefer males (she had previously declared herself a lesbian). She/he feels that the hormone did indeed change the way she/he felt about their sexuality. Very fascinating and yet very I feel very sad for people that feel they are in the wrong body. I have no idea what it feels like, but I assume it is not a good one or even pretend to have the answer to that question.

Trusting Again after a Gay Spouse

One of the biggest problems I had to overcome after finding out my gay spouse was actually living another whole life besides the one he shared with me, was trusting another person. About anything! Dating and thinking that someone would be telling the truth to me was almost laughable. It took years to learn to trust again. I think that with anyone that has been in a relationship or married to someone that has a totally different life they don't know about, ie. another family, an addiction to something that takes them away from you, etc. will most likely also have a problem trusting others. The good news is that you can learn to trust again. It may not come as easily or quickly with everyone, but it can happen.
My middle child has also expressed a concern to me that he has a problem with trust issues. What we do as parents and the examples we set are very important as it can affect generations to come!

Guilt of Harboring Secrets

Secrets....There was an article in the paper a few weeks ago by Kristi Gustafson entitled: Release Guilt: Harboring secrets can make you ill. In it she states: " Examples of more serious secrets, the kind on 'Desperate Housewives' each week or that stretch over a lifetime, such as the 'Brokeback Mountain' characters' sexual orientation, are all around us, if not in our own lives." She goes on further to explain that keeping these secrets can lead to stress and further health complications. Talking about it with a therapist, minister, friend or the internet (www.PostSecret.com) web site helps to release this burden that we carry around. So for all of those out there that are carrying around the burdensome secret of being in a relationship or marriage when they are straight and you are gay, please release yourself. Send in a comment for posting sharing this with me.
Jane

Thursday on Oprah

The estimates are that 2 - 3% or all marriages are with a gay spouse/straight spouse. In talking and reading with different sources, I personally think it is higher.

It is a BIG topic these days and on Thursday will be featured on Oprah (www.oprah.com). On 6/15/06 the show is titled: When I Knew I was Gay...."They all kept the same secret. One man was so in denial he married a beauty queen. Then a mother's dream shattered....how she found out. And, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's Carson Kressley knew when he was in the first grade."

I would encourage all to watch this show to be better informed of this subject and to be able to help those that might be dealing with this issue.

Welcome to my gay spouse/straight spouse blog. Here we can share our experiences of dealing with a gay spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend.

"I think I might be gay." These words spoken by my ex-husband one night while we were still married divided my life in two. My life before I knew and my life after I knew. Having been married for over 10 years and with three children, I thought he was kidding me. When I saw that he was serious I think I went into shock for about six months. What does one do now?

I am starting this blog to prevent this from happening to others, if at all possible. I hope that comments can be forthcoming from at least 3 separate groups.

The first group would include those like myself that had been in a relationship/marriage with someone that we didn't know was gay and what our experiences taught us from that.

The second group would be those that had gotten into relationships/marriages hoping it would make their same-sex feelings disappear.

The third group would be the children from these relationships/marriages and how they feel about what took place for others to learn from.

I will be monitoring comments before they are posted (so assume there will be some lag time between when you comment and when they post...hopefully, within the same 24 hours) because this can become a very heated subject and my purpose of this blog is not to deride or discuss the subject of homosexuality (that would be another whole blog) but to educate others that might think they are in the same situation.