Got this post the other day....I appreciate his honesty and insightfulness.
Jane
"Liked your blog. Sorry to read about your situation. I know it is fairly common these days, but still a very traumatic thing for someone to have to go through especially having no idea of your ex-husband's inclinations. You seem to be an honest and open person who deserved better. And I feel sorry for your ex-husband as well - the gay lifestyle has a way of devouring its own especially when you get older. At some point in his life - probably in middle or advanced age - he may regret having thrown away his marriage and family.
I'm in a less than desirable situation myself. As a teenager, I was socially awkward and never really appealed to girls and was rather effeminate. I was labeled a "fag" by peers and not exactly a hit with the opposite sex. I've really always been bisexual and capable of having a relationship with either gender, but feel like everything worked against my being heterosexual and was basically pushed into the gay lifestyle. A married heterosexual life would have certainly better fit my religious values and desire for stability. Yes, there was a element of choice but it is very difficult to lead a heterosexual lifestyle when you are perceived to be gay, basically introverted and have limited appeal to the opposite sex. Now I realize that I had been persistent and patient that maybe a nice girl would have come along but at that age you take the rejection very personally.
As a young man, I did have some heterosexual experiences which were quite enjoyable but they went nowhere and it was always back to being gay again. The gay lifestyle never really was fulfilling on an emotional level and gradually figured out that my relationship needs were not going to be met by another man. Gay men are not looking for a monogamous relationship for the most part and masculine or not .. they are still men who tend to lose interest in you after having sex.
Anyway, I am still bisexual in terms of my psychological makeup but have virtually no attraction to men my age or older (late forties) and realistic enough to know that a younger man is just going to be looking for a "sugar daddy." I'm certainly not interesting in wasting time on homosexual relationships that seldom remain faithful or endure and it is really isn't what I want anymore. The homosexuality certainly doesn't and never really did fit my values well. I am definitely attracted to some women my own age on a physical and emotional level, but it's hard to find someone of the opposite sex that is interested and I fear impossible if I'm honest about my background.
There are so many gay and bisexual men who nobody would ever guess had homosexual inclinations that have the ability to jump back and forth between lifestyles hurting others on both sides of the fence. The only "successful" bisexual males are the ones who lie and live two lives. A bisexual male who is honest about who he is but willing to give up the gay lifestyle as I have for the past year and a half is likely to be still be rejected by the opposite sex.
Anyway, my point is sexual behavior can be changed. I believe that some gay men are really 100% percent gay, but many are not. Some end up in a homosexual lifestyle because they were labeled into it and other young "waverers" are drawn into it because it requires less social skill. Over the years I found myself moving toward increasingly effeminate men. Finally, I realize that I had been looking for a Hallmark Card in a Home Depot store- I wasn't looking for masculine qualities at all. There are men who decide to come out of the closet at 40 and also those that resolve to leave the lifestyle. I happen to fall into the latter group which doesn't get airtime on "Opra."
Hope that you have are able to trust again and find a new partner in life. It isn't easy but you seem to be channeling your energies in a very constructive direction."
